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February 26, 2002

Elizabeth Sims sounds a warning for all of us – read the detailed breakdown in monthly charges on bills you receive in the mail. She was speaking from a recent personal experience with the telephone company (AT&T) but the same thing probably applies to anyone else (and any other phone company) whose services you use. In her case, some long distance calls were charged to her number at a time and to a place that she never calls. Evidently it was an honest mistake, but it took a while to get the account straightened out. Elizabeth suspects that others may be paying for calls they never made without bothering to check the detailed printout, and that’s like pouring money down the drain. “Read your bill,” she cautions.

Another reader, Kit Froebel, furnishes the following lines for our amusement. She notes that “personal ads” for “older folks” have become rather long. These ads are already in vogue in Florida and Arizona. Here is a sampling:

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4” (used to be 5’6”), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG- TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into Solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out, and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel corn.

SEATTLE OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Doesn’t run but walks well.

If you’re still on board, here are some more bits of Will Rogers’ wisdom from Roy Kendrick:

“If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now an’ then to make sure it’s still there.

“Lettin’ the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

“After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.”