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April 30, 2002

We’ve all experienced mornings when we wake up and immediately discover that it’s going to be a rotten day. It’s just something that we subconsciously sense. We KNOW it’s not the right day to risk life and limb, or to try to outsmart someone. Here, thanks to a friend, are some clues to help us recognize the bad news days. He tells me these are from “Author unknown…but troubled.” Read on, and enjoy.

How can you tell when it’s going to be a rotten day?
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any.
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed.
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
Your walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax check bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill,” and your name is George.

That’s about enough for this time. Have a (really) good one!