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July 23, 2002

Add these to your collection of words of wisdom, or whatever you wish to call them. Some may bring a chuckle.

Yes, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper, then … oh my goodness, you forgot to pull your zipper down!

Here now are some thoughts on Children’s Logic.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “Means carrying a child.”

An exasperated mother whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said: “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, “For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out.”

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, Mommy?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked little Johnny. “Giving up?”

That’s enough froth for this visit. More in another column.