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August 16, 2002

The readers write (thank goodness) and one of them shares the following bits of church humor for our amusement.

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plate. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear:”Don’t pay for me, Daddy; I’m under five.”

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service his cousin asked: him: “How many men can a woman marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his Mother, “I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.” His Mother said: “That’s OK with us, but what made you decide that?” The little boy said, “Well, I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen.”

A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service: “And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”

A boy was watching his Father, a pastor, write a sermon. “How do you know what to say?” the boy asked. “Why, God tells me.” “Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her Mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the little boy replied: “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys.”

That should be enough for this time. We’ll pass along some more of these as time and space allow.