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September 3, 2002

From the mailbag, here are a few thoughts to ponder, if youíre in a lighthearted mood:

A bicycle canít stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Whatís the definition of a will? Itís a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In a democracy itís your vote that counts. In feudalism itís your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you donít pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and Iíll show you A-flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you canít budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldnít find the key.
Every calendarís days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted Ė taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once youíve seen one shopping center youíve seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought sheíd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santaís helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

More of these good and bad puns will appear from time to time (as long as readers provide them).