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September 17, 2002

Ready for a good chuckle or two? Then I heartily recommend the following witty pieces sent to me by a loyal reader who found these observations somewhere.

To idiots everywhere: Idiots in Service. This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, “Would you like us to call you before we come?” I replied that I didn’t see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren’t working. He also requested that we report future outages by e-mail. (Does YOUR e-mail work without a telephone line?)

Idiots at Work. I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she couldn’t complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

Idiots in the Neighborhood. I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn’t want them to cross there any more.

Idiots in Food Service. My daughter went to a local Mexican eatery and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry but they only had iceberg.

Idiot Sighting #1. I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask!”

Idiot Sighting #2. The stop light on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”

Idiot Sighting #3. At a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to downsizing, our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

That’s enough froth for this time. There may be more later.