September 24, 2002
Herewith a few points to ponder. Some of them may evoke a smile or two…
For those of us getting along in years, here is a little secret for building your arm and shoulder muscles. You might want to adopt this regimen. Three days a week works well. Begin by standing outside behind the house, and with a five-pound potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato sacks and then fifty-pound sacks. Finally, get to where you can lift a one hundred-pound sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Next, try putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to over do it at this level.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big, tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do. Why?” The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d want to know that your horse is about dead outside.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outdoors, and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.” Tonto replied, “Sure, Kemosabe,” and proceeded to run circles around Tonto.
Not able to do anything but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later another cowboy strutted into the bar and asked, “Who owns that big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood again and exclaimed, “I do. What’s wrong with him this time?” The cowboy looked him straight in the eye and said, “Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin’.”
The one which follows came to me from A.J. Dolezal by way of Kit Norman Froebel. My thanks to both of them. I love it.
When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
“Astonishing!”, the truck driver said to the crew chief. “What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?”
The crew chief said: “Oh, that was tollgate booth paste.”