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November 28, 2003

Ready for a few more chuckles? Enjoy the following bits of humor as provided by a faithful reader.

CHURCH FOOTBALL

Quarterback sneak—Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play—What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Half-Time—The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave.

Bench Warmer—Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion—Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the pocket—What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

Two-Minute Warning—The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay—The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.

Sudden Death—What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."

Trap—You're called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run—Getting out of church quickly without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defense—The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option--The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service or Bible study.

Blitz—The rush for the restaurants following the benediction.

And now, finally, here's a thought to ponder that seems appropriate for this time of the year:

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

If these tickle your funny bone, we'll try to rustle up some more for another visit.