May 21, 2004
Let's spend a few minutes just indulging in a chuckle or two, which I have to confess came this way through the thoughtfulness of one who reads this column. Enjoy!
Marion the new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across the librarian, giving her his name as was the custom.
Marion pushed the books back, smiled and told him to sign them out. The boy carefully printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "At least that other librarian could write."
Bernie moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey you gave me the wrong change!"
"I'm terribly sorry sir, but you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We can't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of the bank."
"Well, OK," answered Bernie cheerily. As he left he said, "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me and extra fifty!"
The Pope met with the college of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!" exclaimed the incredulous Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?"
"No," chuckled Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
That's enough for this day. More will be coming along in due time.