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September 17, 2005

Here come some more of those unbelievably funny lines, perhaps ruled wrong for a TV sitcom, but OK for readers to mull over in literature like this. They are all right, generally speaking, and I have prescreened them for that purpose. Besides, they come to me free of charge, and that gives them a special twist. Now, read on and enjoy.

Children are poor men's riches.

Children tell in the highway what they hear by the fireside.

Every mother's child is handsome.

A little kid was annoying me on the airplane with a water pistol.
I said, "Kid, do me a favor."
He said, "What?"
I said, "Kid, go outside and play."

Carolyn Coat—A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be. A babe is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.

A friend is best found in adversity.

It is the raised stick that makes the dog obey.

Andy Rooney—Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Red Buttons—He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India, so he sent his kid there.

Tolerance is the ability to smile when someone else’s child behaves as badly as your own.

Childhood begins with a youngster asking where he came from and ends with his refusing to tell you where he is going.

The child who is being raised strictly by the book is probably a first edition.

A brat is a child who has learned to get what he wants from his parents by trial and terror.

Pre-teen children are the right age. They are too old to wake you up at night and too young to borrow the car.

Many a child is spoiled because you can't spank his grandmother.

Carol Sandbury–A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.

Children keep the family together-especially when they can't get a baby sitter.

Some parents hire a baby sitter when what they really need is a lion tamer.

The hardest things for a woman to control are, in this order, her temper, her weight, and her children.

Every child born in America is endowed with life, liberty, and a share of the national debt.

Bill Cosby–Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

Raising children is like taking pictures: you never know how they'll come out.

Erma Bomback–It goes without saying, that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.