September 21, 2005
Here are a few more of those funny lines that many of you say tickle your ribs. Glad you enjoy what's left of them, after a bit of editing and pruning to keep them in line with the general tone of this classy little column. Let me know if you approve and we will continue to feed more of these to our audience. Enjoy!'
Rita Rudner—Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Herbery Prochnow—A boy is grown up when he walks around a puddle.
Socratees (over 2,000 years ago) The younger generation no longer respects its elders; it tyrannizes its teachers; fails to rise when older people enter the room; and has atrocious manners.
Phyllis Diller- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Gracie Allen- A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman could have children after thirty-five. I said thirty-five is enough for any woman!
Lillian Carter—Sometimes when I look at my children I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin."
Harry S. Truman—I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
The poor man was so unhappy when the doctor told him his wife had given birth to twins that he went off looking for the other fellow.
The three stages of Man:
The child—My papa can lick your papa.
The adolescent—Aw, Pop, you don't know nuthin'.
The adult—Well, according to my father.
Mrs. Grogan noted that when she was a fine young girl in Ireland she had too much respect for her parents to talk back to them. She continued: "I don't know what this generation is coming to. Only the other night my teen-aged daughter was leaving for a party and I called out to her, "Have a good time, Honey," and my daughter yelled back, "Don't tell me what to do!"
He turned up forthwith with an unmistakably Jewish child. "How is it," the surprised actor asked, "that you didn't adopt a Mexican child?" "Not me," said Jose firmly. "A Jewish child for me. Jewish children take care of their parents when they are old."
Father: Did you reprimand Walter for mimicking me?
Mother: Yes. I told him to not act like a fool.
Baby–An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.