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November 2, 2005

Today we continue with more funny business from a regular reader in another state. He formerly lived here and keeps posted on local happenings by reading this newspaper. What follows is totally his contribution. Hope you enjoy it.

Congressman Brooks Hayes of Arkansas found Congress contemplating legislation that Hayes felt would do too much for people when they could do it for themselves...He protested the following to show what he meant. "When I was practicing law down in Little Rock, I had a fellow as a client who had committed a terrible crime. He had stolen firearms and money at the same time. I did the best I could for him but the jury found him guilty, so they sent him to the pen.

"Spring came and he wrote to his wife. He said, 'Dear Mama, I know you are having a terrible time. But when you get ready to plant this year, don't dig up that ten acres I usually use because I've already planted some things there.' The warden of the pen assumed he had guns and money buried there, so he put his deputies to work and they ploughed up the whole ten acres.

In the letter the fellow wrote his wife, "Well, I heard by the grapevine that they didn't find anything, and you might as well get those potatoes in."

Guard at the White House: Did you take a bath today? Why? Is one missing?

In my old neighborhood the candy store had a bouncer.

He only robs banks so he will feel wanted.

New York is the only town in the world where you can park your car, walk two blocks, and find your hubcaps for sale.

Crime is growing. When you call the cops, there is a three-week waiting list.

The other day a guy in a mask took all my money. I was in surgery at the time.

Then there was the one-fingered pickpocket. All he could steal was lifesavers.

Things are so gosh awful in our town the police department now has an unlisted telephone number.

Laurence J. Peter (teacher and writer) prison will not work until we start sending a better class of people there.

Does voluntary manslaughter mean that the victim says it was Okay?