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February 22, 2006

Here's some more stuff for your amusement, supplied by an anonymous friend from another state. It's all in fun, so enjoy.

Pregnant executives have it hard. It's not easy being in management and labor at the same time.

Will Rogers—It is not what you pay a man but what he costs you that counts.

A neurotic is someone who is self-employed and doesn't get along with his boss.

Gary Sinise—Careers, like rockets, don't always take off on schedule. The key is to keep working on the engines.

Fax machine: a device that allows someone in another state to pile work on your desk.

It's called take home pay because there is nowhere else you can go with it.

H.G. Norman—The surest way to get a job done is to give it to the busiest man in the office. He'll give it to his secretary to do.

Personnel director—What previous experience have you had and what work have you done.
Pretty young job candidate: I was a secretary. All I had to do was look like a girl, think like a man, act like a lady, and work like a dog.

Milton Berle—How can I retire? I still have 300 glossy pictures and $200 worth of makeup left.

Bernard Meltzer—Top cats often begin as underdogs.

It's really amazing how unimportant your job is when you ask for a raise...and how important it is when you want a day off.

It is hard to keep a mink wife on a muskrat salary.

Lily Tomlin—The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you are still a rat.

Henry Youngman—My unemployed brother-in-law gave up his job because of illness. His boss got sick of him.

Mencken—Never let your inferiors do you a favor. It will be extremely costly.

There was the recent grad from Texas A & M who went to work as an accountant and absconded with all the accounts payable.

Why did the redneck get fired from the M & M factory? He threw out all the W's.

Henry Ford—Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is a progress. Working together is success.

Bureaucrats and insurance salesmen have all the answers...to their own questions. The physics of politics is based on the superiority of sound over light; The physics of bureaucracy is based on the superiority of procedures over substance.

Don’t worry if your job is small and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

Prairie dogging – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.